Hope, Yet H8te

I've just let out a big exhale for a breath I didn't know I've been holding for the past 8 years. As I watched Obama's acceptance speech last night with tears in my eyes I thought, "I finally matter again."

Not that the past 8 years have been completely miserable. I met and married the love of my life. I watched friends and relatives have babies, believing that the future held more than the present. I made strides in my career. I made new friends and kept the old. I learned something new each and every day for the last 2,920 days.

But the hardest days have also happened in the last 8 years. I functioned day-to-day through a debilitating painful disease. I've watched as my investment in my future - taking the leftover money from college to buy a house - has dwindled to "dear God please let me just break even" after living here 7 years. I watched my Dad, who was a rock, suffer through depression on a level I'd never seen before, and hope to never see again. I watched my Mom write a letter to the president explaining how painful my dad's illness was to our family, asking him to help pass legislation to take better care of vets. Only to get a form letter back that didn't address any of her concerns. I watched a war start that hasn't ended. I watched problems emerge, only to have the government say that shopping was the solution. I watched the rich grow richer, even as I came to the realization that I will not be the millionaire I thought I would when I was little. I've pondered whether or not I'll be able to give my (future) child(ren) the life my parents gave me, and pretty much have come to the conclusion that it will be radically different. I've lost my pride in being an American because we had truly become the "ugly" part of our reputation.

And yet last night, I felt proud again to be an American. I felt like the small guy mattered. I felt like my $50 donation to the campaign was as appreciated as any big-wig corporate money-tree. I felt like we could be world leaders again - in science, the arts, in human rights, in being creative and solving problems. I felt like Obama is asking us all to be part of making this country right again - and hell yeah, I'll sacrifice to make this world a better place.  

I was actually registered as a Republican for a long time. I grew up wanting to marry Alex P Keaton and be a yuppy lawyer. I believed, and still do, very strongly in states rights and fiscal responsibility. But I also believe that the measure of a good community, state and nation is how we treat the least among us. That we protect and take care of those that can't take care of themselves. That we educate children. That we care for the sick. That plants and animals count in our equations of wealth. That we don't cause our own extinction. And so, I'm now registered as a Democrat. Don't let me down, okay Democrats?

And yet, in the midst of all this hope, eyes welling with tears among my renewed pride, I'm devastated by the passing of Proposition 8 in California. This is one of the final frontiers of discrimination in this country and I can't be okay with 51% of folks saying that gay marriage is illegal.

I love too many people in this world who are gay. Back when I was single, I analyzed a lot of the relationships around me. And it was a relationship between two men that made me think, "That's the kind of relationship I want." They both have AIDS, and wake up every day committed to caring for each other. And they both believe that if they can love and support each other, then they make the world a better place by drawing on that foundation to care and love for those around them. That's the kind of commitment that the government should recognize.

The folks that wrote and passed this law are acting like us straighties have the marriage thing nailed down. That we treat marriage as sacred and that we never screw it up. But 50% of marriages are projected to end in divorce - so clearly this isn't something treated with reverence by those who currently can get married. How come it is okay for straight pop stars to get married and divorced within 55 hours, but not okay for couples that have been committed to each other for decades to get married? 

So yes, we've come so far... and believe you me, we've got a long way to go.