My Favorite Hobby

A study in Anne worrying about something

I always find it funny when folks perceive me as a go-with-the-flow, laid back person because that is not who lives in my head. I'm a complete worrier - just give me something to worry about and I'll find every last nuanced detail to explore. I must just have a very peaceful look on my face whilst I worry away.

My latest worry: Crohn's is kicking my ass this summer. I'm taking about 9 pills every night and getting monthly shots of Cimzia. And that's on a night when I'm not in pain. I've had about two good weeks since my doctor put me on a whole lot more Prednisone. Unfortunately for my face, Prednisone does more to make me break out than a heaping dose of hormones when I was a teenager.

So two weeks of a high dose of Prednisone and I'm feeling pretty good. And then last night I start feeling the same pain as before. The truth is, I used to power through the pain and try my best to not let Crohn's get in the way of life. I have things I want to do, and sitting around being sick is not on the to-do list.

I feel better today, but have to admit to being worried about what this means. Dr. Guts sent me in for screenings that aren't showing anything crazy wrong (inflammation and narrowing at a previous surgery site are par for my course). I drank a glass of wine the other night and ate some raw summer squash yesterday. That's honestly what probably set off the pain. I'm a horrible person for wanting to enjoy a few summery things.

I need to give up wine for reals. Not for a few weeks, or for awhile, but forever. I need to become one of those folks that is a pain in the ass about what I eat. And that makes me sad.

I'm worried about not knowing why things aren't improving, and worried about how to make it better, and worried about how to respond to all the folks who have helpful ideas on what to do to fix things, and worried about feeling completely overwhelmed by all those ideas. I have no idea what the solution is. I don't think my doctor has any idea. And I'm fighting a whole lot of inertia (aside from worrying) about what to do next.